How does adultery keep winning?

Another famous Christian's fall shows the devil's ability to entice those who should know better. Don't be the next victim.

Philip Yancey, whose books have sold 20 million copies, won’t be writing any more.

A man who commits adultery lacks judgment; whoever does so destroys himself. —Proverbs 6:32

Last Tuesday, renowned evangelical author Philip Yancey, whose books have sold about 20 million copies, confessed to an eight-year extramarital affair and retired from public ministry.

Adultery by famous Christian leaders is always a stunning event. Sexual sin is not necessarily more grave than other sins, such as bank fraud or overturning an election, but it embodies a uniquely stark tone of depravity. Other sins may be enmeshed in ethical complexity, but I’ve never heard any Christian say it is a good thing to be married to one person and have sex with a different person. In fact, the Bible is so clear on this topic that it’s hard to view a violation as anything other than knowingly defying God.

Since my wife goes off to work for nine hours each day, trusting that I won’t misbehave while I’m supposedly alone in our home, I’ve been reassuring her once again that whatever inexplicably happened to Yancey is not happening to me.

I tell Nancy that three factors are protecting me against marital infidelity: (1) I couldn’t imagine having a more rewarding intimacy with anyone else than what I already have, (2) Nancy is my best friend and not just a sexual partner, and (3) in 43 years of marriage, no other woman has shown the slightest interest in me.

Bruce and Nancy in summer 2023.

And yet I know that I have no guaranteed immunity from the deception that ensnared Philip Yancey.

The typical pattern, as I understand it, begins with some source of dissatisfaction arising in the marriage. As that problem starts to appear unresolvable, the unhappy spouse begins imagining alternative, preferable life situations. Then another person enters the unhappy spouse’s life, offering comfort and escape. The alternative seems better and more fulfilling because you can share only enjoyable things with that person, whereas you have to share pretty much all parts of your life with your spouse.

Having a secret life feels exciting. And soon a Christian who has read all the warnings in the book of Proverbs a dozen times is living as if those warnings didn’t exist.

Recently, the first step in that dastardly pattern intruded into my own life. By God’s grace, I have recognized and acknowledged the risk. Here’s how it happened.

I’m extremely diligent about maintaining my physical health and athletic capacity. Every morning, I weigh myself on an inexpensive scale of uncertain reliability. If the result is even a fraction over 160 pounds (72.5 kilograms), I angrily declare myself “fat” and go into panic mode, typified by grueling workouts and ice cream deprivation until my morning weight returns to a safe 158.

Exasperated by my compulsiveness in this regard, Nancy does not disclose her weight to me. But apparently, while I’ve not been paying attention, the number that shows up when she steps on the scale has crept upward slightly.

Last month, I asked Nancy to wear her flashy red pants to a local event. When she put them on, I discovered that she could no longer pull the front zipper all the way up.

This could have been the point where the devil started convincing me that I could have a more fulfilling experience with some other, thinner woman. Instead, I expressed to Nancy my dismay about the situation and my failure to intervene earlier. Now we have four protective factors preventing adultery: along with the three mentioned above, Nancy has changed her diet in hopes of losing a few pounds.

People contemplating adultery should be reminded, as we say in the US, that the grass is not greener on the other side of the fence. However, thanks to our new diet, there is now plenty of green in my spinach salads!

Have a great weekend.